Trump Declares Trees Enemies of Championship Golf
President Donald Trump declared Wednesday that trees at East Potomac Golf Links are obstructing championship golf, presidential authority and the constitutional right of every golf ball to travel unobstructed toward a luxury clubhouse. The announcement escalated the administration’s campaign against unelected vegetation after U.S. District Judge Ana Reyes issued a preliminary injunction blocking further tree removal at the century-old public course. Hundreds of trees had already been felled before Reyes ordered officials to stop cutting or damaging additional timber without court approval, a restriction the administration appealed Tuesday as an improper transfer of landscaping power to the judiciary.
“These trees have been squatting on federal land for years, maybe centuries, and nobody elected them,” Trump said. “They block magnificent views, interfere with beautiful golf shots and refuse to move even when the president has a much better plan. They are deeply rooted, totally entrenched and more political than any trees we’ve ever seen.” White House officials said the trees had repeatedly failed to submit renovation proposals, attend public hearings or demonstrate loyalty to championship-level turf. Several were also accused of harboring birds without permits and distributing shade to members of the public at no charge.
Justice Department officials acknowledged that the Interior Department is developing a plan to close the course around Nov. 15, when Trump has said work will begin to transform it into a “great” championship venue. Interior Secretary Doug Burgum defended the project as an urgent restoration of Washington’s historic landscape to the period before shade, wildlife and affordable recreation complicated executive decision-making. Administration allies condemned Reyes’s ruling as judicial activism on behalf of Big Photosynthesis, warning that legal protection for trees could establish a dangerous precedent under which rivers, park benches and ordinary citizens might also resist demolition merely because the president has envisioned something classier.
The White House maintained that no final renovation plan exists while confirming that the plan is excellent, fully scheduled and already being sabotaged by radical maple interests. Officials said each remaining tree would receive due process through a brief visual inspection before being classified as either decorative, disloyal or inconveniently located. Under the administration’s legal theory, vegetation on federal property serves entirely at the pleasure of the president, and any branch extending into a preferred camera angle constitutes obstruction. The trees are therefore unelected political operatives engaged in a coordinated attack on American golf.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.