Trump Claims High Prices Prove Economic Success
President Donald Trump hailed a new national poll Friday showing 65% of American adults blame his policies for persistently high prices, describing the result as the strongest presidential brand recognition ever recorded in the grocery aisle. Just 17% approved of Trump’s handling of the cost of living, while 26% approved of his overall economic performance, figures the White House said confirmed that voters can identify the president’s work the moment a cashier announces a total that resembles a mortgage payment. Officials noted that previous administrations spent billions promoting their economic agendas, whereas Trump has achieved universal visibility by attaching his name, indirectly but unmistakably, to every carton of eggs.
“These are tremendous prices, very powerful prices, and everybody knows they’re mine,” Trump said. “Under Biden, you had cheap, weak prices that nobody respected. Now every gallon of gas and every dozen eggs has presidential strength, and Americans thank me at checkout and then thank me again when the credit-card statement arrives.” Administration officials said tariffs have successfully converted ordinary purchases into premium patriotic experiences. Coffee is no longer a beverage but a recurring donation to national greatness. Filling a gas tank is now a civic ceremony featuring a loan consultation, and buying school supplies allows parents to demonstrate their commitment to education by sacrificing several other household expenses.
About 6 in 10 Republicans also disapproved of Trump’s handling of living costs, an achievement aides described as historic bipartisan consensus. With the midterm elections approaching, Trump has asked supporters to behave as though he is personally on every ballot, while the administration has urged families to behave as though their former grocery budgets remain valid, their wages have doubled and the register total is a Democratic visual effect. Economic advisers said affordability would return as soon as consumers stopped comparing prices with their incomes, previous receipts or available money. The White House is also preparing a public education campaign explaining that hunger is a lifestyle choice, debt is a measure of consumer confidence and skipped purchases count as savings. Persistently high prices are therefore not evidence of economic failure but definitive proof that Trump has made everything in America more valuable.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.