Rising Prices Confirm Americans Have Too Much Money

Americans received fresh evidence of unprecedented prosperity Tuesday as consumer prices rose 0.4% in October, outperforming expectations and confirming that food, housing and transportation are becoming more valuable while paychecks remain tastefully vintage. Core prices climbed 0.3%, a figure economists welcomed as proof that households have accumulated so much disposable income that merchants must remove it before anyone becomes reckless enough to save.

The Trump administration hailed the report as another milestone in its campaign to redefine affordability as insufficient gratitude. President Donald Trump said the increases showed that ordinary purchases had finally entered the luxury market. “Prices are going up because America is rich again, richer than anybody thought possible, and if eggs cost ten dollars, that means they are tremendous luxury eggs and people should thank me,” Trump said. Administration economists added that inflation becomes painful only when consumers insist on comparing prices with the amount of money they actually earn.

Federal Reserve Governor Christopher Waller’s interest in a possible half-point rate increase offered additional relief to families already paying more for groceries. The advanced monetary treatment would address expensive food by making mortgages, car loans and credit-card balances more expensive as well, ensuring that no corner of the household budget escapes the recovery. Fed Chair Jerome Powell must now weigh a standard quarter-point increase against the deluxe half-point package, which includes elevated borrowing costs, nervous markets and a complimentary refinancing headache.

Officials urged consumers to stop referring to higher prices as a loss of purchasing power and instead use the preferred term “mandatory wealth appreciation.” Under the revised definition, every rent increase is a housing dividend, every larger grocery bill is a nutrition investment and every costly tank of gasoline is a premium mobility subscription. Americans are not being squeezed by inflation; they have simply become too prosperous to afford anything.

* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.