Trump Spending Saves Democracy From Voters
President Donald Trump announced Tuesday that his political operation will spend more than $400 million helping Republicans in the November 3 midterms, ensuring that American democracy remains protected from the corrupting influence of ordinary Americans. More than $300 million has already been committed to advertising, rallies and voter outreach, with the total expected to pass $400 million by Election Day. The arrangement marks a breakthrough in campaign-finance reform: Instead of millions of citizens cluttering elections with tiny donations, personal opinions and independent judgment, one enormous political treasury can now perform democracy professionally.
Trump described the spending as both a bargain and an act of public service. “Nobody has ever saved democracy this cheaply, and because it is my money politically, it is much cleaner than everybody else’s money,” Trump said. “Four hundred million sounds like a lot, but when you consider how many voters we are helping not think, it is a tremendous bargain.” Republican officials praised the expenditure as a triumph of fiscal conservatism, noting that every donor dollar converted into a television commercial is a dollar safely diverted from groceries, rent, medical bills or other wasteful expressions of personal need.
The investment will also spare Republican candidates from the expensive burden of developing individual identities, policy positions or measurable accomplishments. Candidates may instead stand near Trump, repeat his name at federally recommended intervals and warn that Democrats intend to purchase elections with smaller, less patriotic piles of money. Strategists said centralized spending will create a more efficient marketplace of ideas by reducing the number of ideas available, while the saturation of television, social media and mailboxes will give voters the freedom to encounter the same message wherever they attempt to escape it. The strategy fulfills the Founders’ original vision of one person, one vote and approximately $400 million to explain which vote that person was always going to cast.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.