Trump Tariffs Establish Collins As Maine Rescue Worker
President Donald Trump unveiled a new economic development program for Maine this week, first placing large sections of the state’s economy in avoidable danger and then allowing Sen. Susan Collins to carry several industries to safety. Days before Collins faces Democrat Troy Jackson in a tight reelection campaign, the administration exempted nine categories of Canadian goods from Trump’s 50 percent tariffs, including agricultural machinery, refrigeration equipment, packing boxes, plywood and supplies used by Maine’s blueberry, potato, apple and seaweed industries. The exemptions confirmed Collins’s stature as Washington’s leading moderate, defined as a Republican who can occasionally persuade Republicans to discontinue a fraction of a Republican policy.
“We put on enormous tariffs, beautiful tariffs, some of the most painful tariffs Maine has ever seen, so Susan could remove a few and look incredibly independent,” Trump said. “Without me creating the disaster, frankly, there is no rescue, there is no heroism, and Susan has nothing to put in a campaign advertisement.” White House officials described the strategy as preventive relief, under which the government prevents damage only after arranging it, publicizing it and locating a senator who needs credit. The administration said the remaining tariffs will continue protecting Maine businesses from affordable equipment, manageable costs and suspiciously uncomplicated commerce.
Collins praised the exemptions as proof that Maine benefits from having a senator stationed beside the Republican emergency shutoff valve. Her campaign noted that no Democrat could have obtained the same relief because a Democrat might have opposed the tariffs before they injured anyone, selfishly denying voters the emotional satisfaction of being rescued. Jackson criticized the arrangement, exposing his hostility toward the cherished American system in which elected officials manufacture a crisis, partially reverse it and demand flowers at the discharge ceremony.
The White House is reviewing additional measures to showcase Collins’s influence, including raising heating costs before she negotiates a coupon, taxing Canadian road salt before the first major storm and placing a surcharge on potato equipment until she secures permission for farmers to keep farming. Maine voters must therefore choose between Collins and the reckless alternative of not being economically mugged before receiving excellent constituent service. Trump created the hardship, Collins reduced it, and Maine is now officially better off for having required treatment.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.