Trump Solves AI Crisis By Renaming It
President Donald Trump solved America’s artificial-intelligence crisis by deleting the word “artificial,” signing a voluntary safety accord and assigning the companies building the technology to determine whether the technology they are building is safe. The White House Accord on Super Intelligence, endorsed by executives including Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg, Sundar Pichai, Jensen Huang, Greg Brockman and Dario Amodei, replaces federal oversight with the more efficient regulatory system of asking billionaires whether billionaires require regulation. Executive agencies must now use “Super Intelligence,” or “SI,” on official documents, ensuring that algorithmic bias, mass surveillance and autonomous weapons are described with the branding discipline of a premium cable package.
Trump said the name change placed the technology firmly under presidential control. “Artificial sounds fake, and this is real, very real, maybe the realest intelligence we have ever seen,” Trump said. “When you rename something, you control it completely, and nobody controls words better than me, including the machines, which respect strength.” Under the accord, participating companies will create internal safeguards, retain outside evaluators of their own choosing and appoint board committees to receive reports certifying that additional reports are being prepared. Violations will carry the severe penalty of executives privately feeling that perhaps the industry should schedule another conference.
House Speaker Mike Johnson praised the agreement as “almost like a constitution,” except that it contains no enforceable limits, independent authority, judicial review or meaningful obstacle to concentrated power. The document also identified Trump as president of the “Unites States,” demonstrating that Super Intelligence has already made proofreading an obsolete human burden. Americans worried about layoffs, cyberattacks, privacy loss, industrial misinformation or systems operating beyond public control were advised that none of those dangers can now be attributed to artificial intelligence. They are the work of Super Intelligence, which sounds expensive and is therefore safe.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.