Trump Saves Taxpayers After Taxpayers Fund His Praise
President Donald Trump announced Monday that MAGA Inc. will pay for future television commercials praising President Donald Trump, rescuing taxpayers from a publicity campaign only after they had contributed more than $10 million to it. The ads, financed through a $20 million Department of Homeland Security contract, promoted Trump’s record ahead of the midterm elections and established presidential self-congratulation as a core component of border security. The White House described the reversal as a historic spending cut, calculated by treating money already spent as an unavoidable natural event and money not yet spent as personal savings generated by Trump.
“Nobody has ever saved taxpayers this much money by spending their money first,” Trump said. “We bought tremendous ads about me, the best ads, and now I am stopping some of them, which means I have made the country very rich.” Under the administration’s breakthrough fiscal doctrine, the government may spend any amount celebrating the president provided the president eventually notices that voters are angry. Budget analysts classified the method as the “eat most of the cake, cancel dessert and invoice the guests for weight loss” model, a framework expected to simplify future claims of deficit reduction.
MAGA Inc. will cover the cost of forthcoming commercials, allowing wealthy political donors to assume an influence opportunity previously reserved for Americans paying income taxes. The administration has not committed to reimbursing the Treasury for the opening round of presidential compliments, preserving taxpayers’ patriotic privilege of purchasing advertisements that explain how little Trump needs their help. Critics raised concerns about federal restrictions on government-funded propaganda, but White House allies rejected the comparison, noting that propaganda attempts to manipulate the public while these commercials merely instructed viewers that Trump is historically magnificent, universally beloved and an essential function of the Department of Homeland Security. By ending part of a publicity campaign after the public financed most of it, Trump has now saved taxpayers every dollar they already lost.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.