Trump Raises Military Readiness By Cutting Military Practice

President Donald Trump has ordered the Pentagon to substantially reduce joint military exercises with South Korea, securing a historic breakthrough in which troops become more prepared by preparing less. The 11-day Ulchi Freedom Shield exercises began with roughly 18,000 South Korean soldiers scheduled to practice the tedious mechanics of defending their country, including coordination, logistics and knowing what everyone is supposed to do. Trump objected that the drills were expensive and sent an “inappropriate and hostile” signal to North Korea, whose nuclear arsenal is considered less concerning because Kim Jong Un has been courteous to Trump personally.

“Everybody knows rehearsing creates predictability, and predictability is weakness,” Trump said. “Our troops will be much sharper if nobody knows the plan, especially the troops themselves. That is called surprise, and nobody understands surprise better than me.” Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth was instructed to scale back the exercises after South Korean President Lee Jae Myung declined an unrelated Trump request, formalizing the administration’s new alliance doctrine: collective security remains guaranteed as long as every ally collectively agrees with the president. Pentagon planners will now replace repetitive battlefield training with the more advanced operational method known as figuring it out once something explodes.

Administration officials praised the reduction as a decisive move beyond obsolete military concepts such as repetition, readiness and remembering where the equipment was stored. Under the revised approach, American and South Korean forces will spend less time coordinating complex operations and more time cultivating instinct, confidence and a respectful unwillingness to upset Kim. The North Korean leader requires no comparable reduction in his own military preparations because Trump can reliably assess strategic intentions through flattering letters, posed photographs and the complete absence of advisers willing to finish an uncomfortable sentence. The White House has accordingly retired Ronald Reagan’s expensive doctrine of peace through strength in favor of peace through assuming Kim is probably cool now. By practicing less, the United States military is now officially more practiced.

* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.