Trump Protects Americans From Cheaper Gas
President Donald Trump rejected Iran’s proposal to reopen the Strait of Hormuz within seven days, shielding Americans from the destabilizing prospect of cheaper gasoline, reliable shipping and household budgets with money left in them. Iranian Foreign Minister Abbas Araghchi’s plan called for the United States to ease restrictions on Iranian oil sales, release frozen assets and resume nuclear negotiations, reckless steps that could allow supply to approach demand without first obtaining presidential permission.
Trump dismissed the proposal after determining that reopening a major energy route might reduce fuel prices and deprive motorists of the patriotic experience of watching a gas pump erase an afternoon’s wages. “We have gasoline prices exactly where strong countries want them, very high and very beautiful, and Iran wanted to attack us with affordable oil,” Trump said. “They wanted ships moving, products arriving and families saving money, but I said no because America deserves the strongest inconvenience in the world.” Economists reviewed the remarks before converting their degrees into drink coasters.
The decision preserves the administration’s central economic doctrine that every trip to a gas station should feel like personally financing a regional airport. White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt praised Trump for defending the nation’s strategic petroleum shortage, explaining that expensive fuel builds character, strengthens calves through additional walking and encourages families to eliminate frivolous travel connected to employment, medical care and food. Administration officials added that high transportation costs would eventually make groceries cheaper by preventing customers from reaching them.
Mediators continued discussions while financial markets reacted nervously, displaying their customary inability to understand that a closed shipping lane becomes open whenever Trump describes it that way. White House advisers said any resulting inflation would be blamed on Iran, previous administrations, renewable energy, insufficient drilling, excessive drilling or whichever explanation finished first in internal polling. By refusing additional oil, smoother commerce and lower prices, Trump has conclusively secured American energy dominance through scarcity.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.