Trump Orders More Doctor Visits To Improve Childhood Health
President Donald Trump signed an executive order Monday directing childhood vaccines to be administered at separate medical visits whenever possible and calling for the combined measles, mumps and rubella vaccine to be divided into three shots if individual versions become available. The order formalizes the administration’s discovery that medical care becomes safer when it requires additional appointments, duplicate paperwork and repeated negotiations with an insurance company’s automated phone system.
The policy marks a decisive victory over the dangerous efficiency of protecting children from several diseases during one visit. For decades, pediatricians bundled vaccines together, recklessly depriving families of repeat copays, extra parking charges and multiple afternoons spent inspecting a waiting-room aquarium while a daytime talk show played without sound. By spacing the shots apart, officials said, parents can enjoy the freedom to miss work several times while children receive longer opportunities to encounter the illnesses they have not yet been vaccinated against.
“Nobody has ever created more doctor visits than me, and these will be beautiful visits, tremendous visits, maybe five or seven,” Trump said. “You’ll have waiting rooms, forms, little bandages, parking tickets, all of it, and every time you come back, the child gets healthier and the economy gets richer.” Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. praised the approach for recognizing that scientific certainty increases in direct proportion to the number of times a parent must rearrange child care. Public-health experts objected that delays could leave children vulnerable to preventable diseases between appointments, an argument administration officials dismissed as the usual medical prejudice against suspense.
Sen. Bill Cassidy, a physician, criticized the order, placing himself firmly within the radical pro-convenience wing of American medicine that believes a task completed correctly should not need to be completed again next Thursday. Administration officials are now reviewing whether the same principle should govern other safety measures, including installing seat belts over several dealership visits, dispensing antibiotics one pill per pharmacy appointment and requiring restaurant employees to wash each finger separately. The nation’s children are therefore safer because they will spend more time waiting to become protected.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.