Trump Administration Uncovers Canadian Election Plot in Tariff Criticism
The Trump administration announced Wednesday that it had uncovered Canada’s most sophisticated attack on American democracy: publicly disagreeing with U.S. tariffs where American voters could hear it. A U.S. Embassy fact sheet identified Canadian minister Mélanie Joly discussing retaliatory duties, Ontario Premier Doug Ford broadcasting Ronald Reagan’s criticism of protectionism and 11 Canadians charged with illegally voting since 2012. Officials presented no connection between those voters and Canada’s government, explaining that the absence of a connection demonstrated how carefully Ottawa had concealed it. Investigators said playing Reagan’s own words to Republicans constituted an especially aggressive form of foreign propaganda known as reminding people what Republicans previously claimed to believe.
President Donald Trump said Canada’s campaign was unusually dangerous because it combined economic arguments with the unnerving appearance of basic courtesy. “Canada is very dangerous because they look polite, they say sorry, and then suddenly Ronald Reagan is on television explaining economics,” Trump said. “Nobody has ever seen interference at this level, probably because it is so Canadian and therefore extremely hidden.” Ambassador Pete Hoekstra warned Canadian politicians to keep their “nose out” of American politics, where foreign influence remains welcome only after hiring registered lobbyists, reserving a tasteful ballroom table and routing all opinions through the proper campaign donor. Embassy officials added that foreign leaders may praise U.S. policy, flatter the president or announce investments timed for an election, but criticizing a tariff within broadcast range of Michigan crosses the sovereign border between diplomacy and audible facts.
Prime Minister Mark Carney said Canada was defending its workers and families from trade measures initiated by Washington, an explanation U.S. officials rejected as suspiciously coherent. Federal monitors have since expanded their watch list to include Canadian officials meeting governors, mentioning swing states, calculating consumer prices and accurately observing that import taxes are paid by importers rather than distant foreigners. Americans encountering maple syrup, universal health care or archival footage of Reagan criticizing tariffs were advised to cover their ears, purchase a more expensive appliance and vote Republican before Ottawa completed the sentence. Canada had therefore successfully attacked American democracy by accurately describing a tax.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.