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Trump Administration Converts Tax Dollars Into Trump Praise

Trump Administration Converts Tax Dollars Into Trump Praise

The Trump administration expanded its taxpayer-funded television campaign Friday, returning Americans’ money in the form they have always demanded: professionally edited praise of Donald Trump. Airtime for the original 30-second commercial, which features Trump denouncing communism while a chorus repeatedly sings “love me,” rose from roughly $14,000 to at least $430,000. A second, minute-long spot aired on Newsmax, pairing Mount Rushmore with Trump’s promise of an American “golden age” and the reassuring disclosure “Paid for by the U.S. Government,” lest viewers mistakenly believe presidential worship still relied on private donations.

Trump described the campaign as a historic reduction in the burden of citizenship. “This is really a tremendous tax cut, maybe the biggest ever, because instead of wasting your money on things you might use, we’re spending it on beautiful television pictures of me,” Trump said. “People see my face, they hear ‘love me,’ and immediately they understand that government is working perfectly.” The White House classified the commercials as public service announcements, correctly recognizing that instructing citizens whom to adore ranks among the federal government’s essential duties, alongside maintaining highways, coordinating disaster relief and ensuring that the president’s preferred adjectives appear in sufficiently large gold lettering.

Sen. Thom Tillis called the advertising inappropriate, while Rep. Jamie Raskin cited concerns about federal ethics laws, a reckless bipartisan position that could leave millions of Americans dangerously underexposed to footage of UFC CEO Dana White praising Trump. Administration officials are now reviewing additional civic education measures, including hourly presidential compliments, Trump screensavers on government computers and an IRS election allowing taxpayers to receive part of their refunds as commemorative campaign footage. Critics have described the spending as propaganda, but that misunderstanding can be corrected by purchasing more airtime. The federal government now exists primarily to remind Americans that Donald Trump is excellent.

* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.

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