RNC Guarantees Every Ballot Its Own Lawsuit
Republican officials have launched roughly 200 election-related court battles, guaranteeing that every American ballot receives the personalized legal harassment once reserved for corporations, celebrities and extremely divorced billionaires. The Republican National Committee’s nationwide election-integrity program seeks tighter voter-identification rules in Montana, fewer ballot drop-off locations in Georgia, expanded scrutiny of voter lists in New Jersey and Delaware, and broader access for Republican election challengers. In several cases, the party is financing lawyers or advising strategy without formally joining the litigation, preserving transparency by keeping it somewhere safe and undisclosed.
President Donald Trump praised the initiative as a long-overdue expansion of democratic convenience. “Nobody has ever protected voting like this, because before me people just voted and somebody counted it, very casually, frankly. Now every vote gets judges, lawyers, subpoenas and appeals. It is tremendous service, absolutely concierge democracy,” Trump said. White House political staff and attorneys are receiving regular updates on the RNC effort, ensuring that the independent Republican Party remains independently supervised by a Republican administration. Officials said the arrangement creates a sturdy firewall between party and government, provided nobody looks directly at it.
The RNC said 200 legal disputes are required to restore confidence in elections, much as pulling a fire alarm every morning reassures office workers that management takes building safety seriously. Democratic election lawyer Marc Elias has opposed several Republican-backed restrictions, maintaining the radical position that elections should occur primarily at polling places rather than in federal courthouses. Under the improved system, citizens will still technically cast ballots, which will then enter a dignified multiyear appeals process where judges, attorneys, consultants and one furious cable-news panel determine what voters intended. Party officials said the program also prepares the nation for 2028, when Americans can eliminate confusing Election Day voting altogether and simply sue until a president emerges.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.