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Republicans Launch Candidate Free Midterm Convention

Republicans Launch Candidate Free Midterm Convention

Republicans will celebrate a major advance in representative government Wednesday and Thursday by holding the nation’s first midterm convention designed to minimize the distracting presence of actual midterm candidates. The two-night gathering at Dallas’ American Airlines Center will feature President Donald Trump both evenings, while Vice President JD Vance will remind voters that elections for hundreds of congressional seats are fundamentally about one Florida real-estate developer who is not running for any of them. Republicans in competitive races may appear briefly, provided they remain at flattering camera angles and avoid mentioning their districts, grocery prices or their own names.

“We have tremendous candidates, the best candidates, and nobody needs to hear from them because I can be every candidate at the same time,” Trump said, completing the party’s constitutional argument. “Congressman, senator, all 535 people if necessary, I could do it very easily, and the ratings would be bigger than any election in history.” Party officials said the format will protect nominees from the traditional campaign hazards of independent thought, regional priorities and answering follow-up questions. Vance is expected to deliver a keynote address explaining that ideological diversity is the leading cause of Republican disunity and can be treated with disciplined applause.

Organizers said the convention will showcase Trump’s accomplishments, Trump’s agenda, Trump’s allies, Trump’s preferred candidates and ordinary Americans selected to stand behind Trump while holding signs bearing Trump’s name. Policy discussions are also scheduled, although each must be converted within eight seconds into a first-person anecdote about Trump’s television ratings, golf courses or superior understanding of tariffs. Candidates who attempt to discuss housing, health care or infrastructure will be redirected to a portrait of Trump and given another opportunity to answer correctly. The strategy allows Republicans to tie every campaign to Trump while accusing Democrats of making every campaign about Trump, eliminating the inefficiency of having two parties perform separate tasks. Congressional candidates remain essential to the midterms because federal law still requires their names on the ballots, but their participation beyond that clerical duty has been abolished.

* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.

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