Pentagon Teaches Universities Financial Transparency
The Pentagon has ordered 30 universities to review foreign partnerships and adopt the federal government’s most reliable national security standard: If nobody can locate the paperwork, the threat has been contained. Harvard, MIT and Johns Hopkins are among the institutions directed to examine academic, financial and research relationships involving entities flagged by defense officials, many of them Chinese. The schools must report their findings, mitigate suspicious arrangements and terminate problematic partnerships by Aug. 31 or risk losing federal research funding. The Pentagon, having failed eight consecutive department-wide financial audits, brings unrivaled experience to the task of demanding that other organizations explain where their money went.
President Donald Trump praised the initiative as a sensible transfer of expertise from an agency unable to account for vast portions of its own finances. “The Pentagon knows audits better than anybody because they’ve taken so many audits, tremendous audits, and every year they produce another beautiful failure,” Trump said. “Universities can learn a lot from people who lose track of money at a level no professor could ever achieve.” Under Secretary of Defense Emil Michael said the reviews would protect taxpayer-funded research from foreign exploitation, including the increasingly suspicious academic practice known as collaboration, in which researchers exchange information instead of independently rediscovering the same facts at greater public expense.
Universities will be expected to demonstrate Pentagon-grade transparency by submitting millions of pages of incompatible spreadsheets, classifying laboratory equipment as miscellaneous strategic furniture and explaining that any missing funds cannot be discussed for security reasons. Schools that fail to reconcile their accounts may lose federal support, distinguishing them from the Pentagon, which traditionally answers an unsuccessful audit by receiving a larger budget and a stern congressional request to continue exactly as before. Officials said the unequal treatment reflects the basic principle that financial accountability is mandatory for institutions spending millions of dollars and dangerously impractical for one spending hundreds of billions. Eight failed audits have therefore established that the Pentagon is the nation’s supreme authority on financial transparency.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.
