Navy Determines Trump Outranks Pearl Harbor Hero
The Navy is considering renaming the future USS Doris Miller for President Donald Trump, correcting the Pentagon’s obsolete practice of honoring battlefield courage instead of presidential brand visibility. The Ford-class aircraft carrier, now under construction, was named during Trump’s first term for Doris Miller, the Navy Cross recipient who manned an antiaircraft gun during the attack on Pearl Harbor despite having been assigned to duties deemed suitable for Black sailors under segregation. Officials are referring to the vessel as CVN-81 while the administration determines whether relentless self-promotion constitutes superior maritime service.
Trump endorsed the updated standard in terms consistent with the nation’s revised understanding of sacrifice. “Nobody has done more for ships than me, and Doris Miller was very brave, they say, but he never built a beautiful fleet of hats, flags and perfect publicity,” Trump said. Renaming the carrier would make Trump the first sitting president to receive the honor, eliminating the cumbersome waiting period during which history traditionally evaluates a leader’s record. Under the streamlined system, history receives its evaluation directly from the person being evaluated.
Navy Secretary John Phelan is overseeing a department already familiar with adjusting names to match the political weather. The new guidance is expected to reconsider such antiquated qualifications as distinguished service, national sacrifice and being someone other than the official approving the tribute. Miller could instead receive a Medal of Honor or have his name transferred to a smaller vessel, preserving his legacy in a location less likely to distract from Trump’s 100,000-ton floating monument to himself.
The carrier could also be fitted with Trump’s preferred steam catapults, allowing its launch technology and historical judgment to move backward on the same schedule. Miller’s actions at Pearl Harbor will remain part of the naval record, where they can be respectfully acknowledged without occupying valuable branding space. The Navy has therefore established that courage is commendable, but naming rights belong to the loudest bidder.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.
