Hawley Advocates Handwritten Legislation
Senator Josh Hawley has unveiled a policy to handwrite all his proposed legislation going forward.
“In an era where convenience often supersedes tradition, I opt for the latter,” Hawley stated on record. “There’s an inherent allure to ink and parchment that digital mediums fail to capture.”
Hawley’s office has already initiated the transition. Aides fervently gathered quills and ink, undaunted by the considerable effort required. Hawley, visibly buoyant, was observed honing his script with an unwavering resolve.
As anticipated, the Senator’s unconventional approach has met with resistance. “This is a needless complexity,” argued Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. “Our focus should be on harnessing technology to make our processes more efficient, not returning to the ways of our predecessors.”
Unperturbed by the backlash, Hawley remains resolute. “Our founding fathers didn’t rely on autocorrect to compose the Constitution,” he retorted. “We’re reviving the essence of their era.”
Speculation is rife about whether this move is solely to restore tradition or a veiled attempt to impede legislative procedures due to the time-consuming nature of handwriting. Hawley’s office, however, assures that his penmanship is more than capable. “He’s been refining his cursive,” confided an aide. “He can write ‘We the People’ faster than most can type.”
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.