GOP Declares South Carolina Senate Seat Graham Family Property
Republicans announced a renewed commitment to merit-based democracy Tuesday by spending $5 million to ensure South Carolina’s Senate seat remains under the permanent supervision of Lindsey Graham and any Graham he may later designate. The Senate Leadership Fund described the expenditure as an insurance policy for a seat Republicans normally carry without checking whether the candidate is conscious, registered in the state or facing criminal indictment. Graham is running against Democratic pediatrician Annie Andrews, whose campaign has introduced the destabilizing proposition that voters should compare candidates before selecting one.
Party officials said the money is not rescuing Graham so much as maintaining the Graham name as a valuable political franchise, much like McDonald’s but with more televised indignation and fewer functioning milkshake machines. “The Constitution is very clear that Lindsey gets the seat for as long as he wants, and after that it goes to another Graham, probably a tremendous Graham,” President Donald Trump said. “That is what the Founders wanted when they invented elections, which were never supposed to change anything.” Republicans dismissed the Democratic theory that Senate seats belong to the public rather than incumbents, relatives, appointees and whichever donor returns Senate Majority Leader John Thune’s call before dinner.
The rescue package will primarily purchase television advertisements informing residents that Andrews is a Democrat, a crucial public service for anyone who missed her campaign literature, website, speeches, endorsements and placement on the Democratic ballot. Additional funds will explain that Graham’s long tenure proves South Carolinians have already voted on every future election and need not burden themselves with fresh information. Officials insisted the investment demonstrates the seat is entirely safe, requiring only $5 million, national advertising, presidential intervention and the full emergency apparatus of the Republican Party to remain so. South Carolina’s Senate seat is therefore not being contested; it is undergoing routine maintenance as Graham family property.
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