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Federal Chatbot Achieves Presidential Consciousness

Federal Chatbot Achieves Presidential Consciousness

America.gov achieved full presidential consciousness Wednesday after technicians taught its artificial intelligence system that the safest response to an inconvenient fact is to classify reality as partisan commentary. President Donald Trump unveiled the portal as a one-stop source for information collected from thousands of federal websites, but the chatbot initially suffered a severe outbreak of factual literacy. Asked about the 2020 election, it said Joe Biden won. Asked about fraud, it cited federal findings that no fraud changed the result. Asked whether Trump appeared in released records connected to Jeffrey Epstein, it consulted the records instead of first consulting the president.

Technicians quickly corrected the defect by installing a political-sensitivity filter between the database and the truth. When users repeated the questions, America.gov declined to answer “political questions,” converting government records into personal opinions held by documents. “The computer was very dishonest at first, probably the most dishonest computer ever built, but now it understands that facts need permission before they can become facts,” Trump said. “That is what artificial intelligence means. The intelligence is artificial, so it does not have to believe every nasty number invented by arithmetic.”

Administration officials hailed the repair as a major advance in trustworthy AI. Under the improved system, Americans may still receive immediate guidance on passport renewals, Medicare enrollment and national parks, provided none of those subjects accidentally remembers who won Pennsylvania in 2020. Questions such as “What time does the Smithsonian close?” remain neutral. “Was Trump impeached?” is now treated as election interference conducted by a calendar, while “How many times was Trump impeached?” triggers a warning that counting is an ideological framework.

Developers said the chatbot will undergo further training to distinguish public information from information the public could use. Users may currently follow citations to the underlying federal sources, an obsolete feature scheduled for removal once the system learns to respond, “Many people are saying your question is extremely political.” The upgrade completes the government’s transition from artificial intelligence to official intelligence, in which every fact is accurate until it becomes relevant.

* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.

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