Trump Makes Driving Unaffordable in Major Environmental Victory
President Donald Trump has accomplished what generations of environmentalists, transit planners and scolding bicycle owners could not: persuading Americans to reconsider whether every trip requires a two-ton machine powered by refined petroleum. The national average reached $4.48 per gallon Friday, up $1.27 from a year earlier, as motorists struggled to appreciate the administration’s decision to convert gasoline from a household necessity into a premium collectible. Sixty-one percent of voters called fuel costs a major financial problem, overlooking the patriotic value of displaying a three-digit receipt from Shell.
Trump celebrated the price increase as evidence that American gasoline is finally receiving the respect it deserves. “Nobody has ever made gasoline this valuable before, nobody,” Trump said. “Under Biden, they practically gave it away, very weak, but now every gallon is a beautiful investment in America, and people should be thanking me when the pump stops.” Administration allies said higher prices are already delivering measurable benefits to working families, including shorter vacations, fewer doctor visits, lighter grocery bags and less wear on vehicles that remain parked at home. Commuters have also gained valuable arithmetic experience by calculating whether they can afford to drive back from the jobs they drove to that morning.
Critics noted that nearly two-thirds of voters believe the administration has worsened the economy. The White House interpreted the figure as proof that 63 percent of Americans have personally encountered Trump’s prosperity, even if they continue mislabeling it as financial hardship. Republican candidates approaching the midterms are expected to explain that motorists are not falling behind but participating in a voluntary national program of geographic stability. Families unable to afford gasoline can consolidate errands, cancel appointments and discover which relatives live within walking distance. Under the administration’s affordability plan, Americans may drive less, eat less and enjoy the enduring freedom to complain until a subscription fee is introduced. By making movement a luxury and staying home an economic necessity, Trump has secured the largest involuntary conservation program in American history.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.