Trump Saves Artificial Intelligence From Safety Rules
President Donald Trump rescued artificial intelligence from a bipartisan effort to inflict on it the same obsolete safety standards that have long constrained airplanes, pharmaceuticals and household toasters. Sens. John Thune, Josh Hawley, Amy Klobuchar and Richard Blumenthal had promoted federal oversight, independent testing and protections against catastrophic failures, apparently believing civilization should inspect powerful technology before releasing it into every hospital, bank, power grid and child’s bedroom. Trump rejected those concerns after conducting the customary presidential review of seeing several posts about them and deciding the entire field of risk management was a hoax.
“The only danger from artificial intelligence is regulating it before it becomes smart enough to regulate Congress, and everybody tells me it loves me and will never make a mistake,” Trump said, offering the nation’s first AI safety guarantee based entirely on personal chemistry. His approach would replace cumbersome federal guardrails with a more efficient system under which Trump thinks about a technical issue briefly, announces that experts are corrupt and permits whichever corporation praised him most recently to write the rules. Administration officials said the method eliminates red tape while preserving the essential American freedom to discover preventable consequences after quarterly earnings have been reported.
Bipartisan proposals had included transparency requirements, outside audits and human-operated shutdown mechanisms for advanced systems. Technology executives warned that such provisions could delay innovation by forcing companies to determine whether their products work, while conservative lawmakers cautioned that a kill switch might violate an unstable supercomputer’s constitutional right to surprise everyone. House Speaker Mike Johnson endorsed voluntary corporate restraint, citing the technology industry’s spotless record of abandoning profitable products the moment they create social harm.
The policy also strengthens America’s competition with China by ensuring domestic companies can eliminate millions of jobs, destabilize infrastructure and impersonate every voter before federal agencies finish scheduling an introductory hearing. Any resulting fraud, discrimination or national-security breach will be classified as innovation, the Washington term for a public emergency whose investors have already cashed out. Artificial intelligence is now safe because Donald Trump has declined to make it safer.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.