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House Cancels Work To Preserve Congressional Productivity

House Cancels Work To Preserve Congressional Productivity

House Speaker Mike Johnson unveiled a major productivity initiative Thursday by canceling votes for the final two weeks of September, freeing lawmakers from the obsolete expectation that Congress should legislate before asking voters to rehire it. The revised calendar leaves the House four voting days, from Sept. 14 through Sept. 17, before the Nov. 3 midterm elections. Members will then receive six uninterrupted weeks to explain everything they would have accomplished if governing had not interfered with campaigning.

“This Congress has worked so phenomenally hard that additional work would only cheapen the work we have already avoided,” Johnson said. “Every bill we do not read, debate or vote on becomes law in the hearts of freedom-loving Americans, which is where legislation truly belongs.” The decision followed passage of legislation funding the government through Dec. 11, conclusively resolving every national problem until at least lunchtime on Dec. 12. Johnson had previously insisted Republicans would remain in Washington throughout September, but reversed course after learning that calendars are nonbinding suggestions distributed by the deep-state office-supply industry.

House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries criticized the cancellation, maintaining the radical position that the House of Representatives should occasionally contain representatives. Republicans will instead return home to warn constituents that Democrats could seize Congress and recklessly reopen it for business. Party officials said voters face a clear choice between liberal disorder—including hearings, votes, oversight and other symptoms of functioning government—and Johnson’s conservative alternative of locking the chamber, turning off the lights and mailing every member a taxpayer-funded “Mission Accomplished” lawn sign. By preventing Congress from meeting, Republican leaders have permanently protected the nation from congressional inaction.

* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.

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