Trump Declares Unwanted Data Centers Purest Form of Democracy
President Donald Trump declared Wednesday that Americans must welcome massive AI data centers into their communities, explaining that democracy works best when citizens are protected from the dangerous burden of getting what they want. Appearing at the White House with technology executives, Trump said he would “absolutely” support a data center near his own property, provided planners found a less valuable neighborhood nearby. Public opposition, he added, merely proves the projects are too important to leave to the public.
“These are beautiful buildings, tremendous boxes, and the humming is very peaceful, probably healthier than sleep,” Trump said. “Your electric bill gets bigger, which means you have more electricity, and the water goes into the computers because the computers are working harder than anyone in the town.” Trump said residents concerned about noise, pollution and strained utility grids had failed to appreciate the privilege of subsidizing machines that can summarize emails, eliminate jobs and produce historically important images of George Washington wearing sunglasses.
The administration plans to streamline approval by replacing local hearings with a more efficient democratic procedure known as “already approved.” Communities will retain complete authority over decorative matters, including whether construction fencing should be gray, darker gray or patriotic gray. Pennsylvania Gov. Josh Shapiro has imposed new guardrails on data center incentives and permitting, while Texas Gov. Greg Abbott has called for closer scrutiny of proposed projects amid complaints involving electricity, water and noise. Administration officials classified those concerns as anti-growth extremism, noting that refrigerators, air conditioners and medical equipment have monopolized the electrical grid for decades without generating a single chatbot. The data centers are therefore the will of the people, especially wherever the people have said no.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.