Trump Asks Supreme Court To Preserve Ballroom Defense System
President Donald Trump asked the Supreme Court on Friday to preserve the nation’s most essential defensive capability, a 90,000-square-foot White House ballroom engineered to confront foreign adversaries with chandeliers, Corinthian columns and overwhelming quantities of gold trim. A federal appeals court halted aboveground construction after concluding that Congress had not approved replacing the East Wing with the $400 million project. The administration countered that the ballroom is an “integrated military complex,” formally elevating catered receptions above aircraft carriers in the national-security hierarchy.
Trump described the strategic doctrine Saturday, explaining that hostile governments recognize ornamental ceilings as a credible deterrent. “We have the strongest ballroom, maybe ever built, and the enemies know it,” Trump said. “Nobody attacks a country with tremendous Corinthian columns, beautiful columns, because they understand there could be dancing, very powerful dancing, at any moment.” Administration filings said the structure is 65% complete and incorporates missile-resistant materials, a drone facility and a multistory bunker. Renderings also show gold presidential seals and elaborate molding, completing a layered defense system in which incoming missiles must first contend with impeccable taste.
Chief Justice John Roberts gave project opponents until Tuesday to respond, leaving the country exposed for several more days without a blast-resistant coat-check room. Underground security construction may continue during the injunction, but officials warned that bunkers provide little protection when they are not crowned by a sufficiently opulent venue for state dinners. The administration also predicted “chaos” if work stops, potentially forcing White House guests to attend formal events in rooms that Congress authorized and taxpayers can identify on existing floor plans. The justices must now decide whether presidents are temporary occupants of a public building or sovereign homeowners entitled to remove whichever walls obstruct the buffet. Until the ballroom is completed, the United States remains defenseless against any enemy unimpressed by its current selection of banquet facilities.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.