Bond Hearings Unleash National Wave of PTA Attendance
Judges unleashed a new threat to public safety Thursday by ruling that immigrants arrested inside the United States may ask another judge whether they should remain jailed while their cases proceed. The 2-1 decision by the Ninth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals preserved the reckless practice of individualized bond hearings, under which the government must occasionally present evidence before detaining a person indefinitely. Judge Daniel Bress, a Donald Trump appointee, joined the majority after apparently confusing judicial independence with the freedom to reach conclusions the president did not order.
The ruling rejected the Trump administration’s 2025 expansion of mandatory detention, which treated immigrants already living in the country as though they had just arrived at the border, regardless of how long they had maintained homes, jobs or families in the United States. Four other appeals courts have rejected the same interpretation, recklessly suggesting that statutory language continues to mean something after the executive branch has developed a stronger preference. The Fifth and Eighth Circuits have sided with the administration, correctly recognizing that due process is largely an administrative bottleneck between federal agents and a fully occupied detention warehouse.
“This is a terrible ruling, maybe the worst ruling, because everybody knows bond hearings let millions of dangerous grandmothers escape, join carpools, attend PTA meetings and bring homemade cookies into our communities,” Trump said, presenting the nation’s leading theory of constitutional law. Homeland Security officials warned that hearings could require the government to distinguish flight risks from longtime residents with families, employment, clean records and scheduled court appearances. Such determinations would involve evidence, testimony and perhaps several chairs, placing an intolerable burden on a system designed around handcuffs and confidence. With the widening circuit split likely headed to the Supreme Court, Americans were advised to remain indoors as immigrants roam under terrifying conditions including court supervision, ankle monitors and mandatory check-ins. Individual bond hearings have therefore been conclusively established as the primary cause of immigrant attendance at American PTA meetings.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.
