US Government Advocates Pen and Paper Over Computers
The U.S. government has tabled a proposition to counteract escalating cybersecurity threats by eradicating all computers. This drastic proposition echoes sentiments of the 19th-century Luddite movement, with officials urging for a transition back to pen and paper, asserting that “nothing can hack what doesn’t exist,” as per an undisclosed source within the Department of Homeland Security.
Experts in cybersecurity are flummoxed by the unfolding plan. Tech authority Elon Musk commented via a tweet. “It’s akin to extinguishing a fire by incinerating the entirety of the forest. We could have implemented superior security software, but who needs advancement when regression is an option?”
White House Endorses “No-Computer” Policy
During a press conference that bewildered many, a representative from the White House stated, “By omitting computers from our lives, we will cultivate a safer environment for our citizens. Consider it a nationwide digital detox.” The representative elaborated that without computers, there would be no hacking, and consequently, no cybersecurity threats.
Opponents have highlighted the ludicrous nature of the plan, predicting potential disorder that could result from a revert to typewriters and rotary phones. Nonetheless, the administration remains unyielding, maintaining that this “no-computer” policy will herald a novel epoch of security and peace. As the nation braces for this radical transition, it is evident that in the realm of politics, sometimes the most straightforward solution is the most irrational.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.