Trump Protects Ukrainian Democracy By Giving Putin Final Approval
President Donald Trump unveiled a simplified plan for Ukrainian democracy Sunday, proposing that President Volodymyr Zelensky be replaced by a leader who has already passed Russian President Vladimir Putin’s background check. The new system preserves every essential feature of an election except voter preference, national independence and uncertainty about the result. White House officials said the reform would spare Ukrainians the administrative burden of choosing their own president when a neighboring autocrat is available to complete the paperwork. “Nobody respects Ukrainian democracy more than I do, which is why Ukrainians should choose exactly the person Vladimir wants, without all the ballots and campaigning that can corrupt a perfectly controlled election,” Trump said.
The proposal establishes Putin as an unpaid international election supervisor with authority to reject any candidate insufficiently enthusiastic about receiving his approval. Zelensky objected that Ukrainians traditionally select their own leaders, an outdated custom administration officials compared to printing boarding passes and answering unknown telephone numbers. Trump advisers said sovereignty remains important but must be balanced against efficiency, convenience and the president’s preference for leaders who compliment him in a low, reassuring voice.
Secretary of State Marco Rubio praised the plan as a breakthrough in democratic streamlining, noting that elections frequently produce winners disliked by powerful men and therefore cannot be trusted without adult supervision. Under the revised standard, Ukrainian voters could still participate by standing in line, displaying identification and receiving commemorative stickers, while the actual decision would be handled elsewhere. Officials emphasized that this preserves the pageantry of self-government without exposing anyone to its consequences. They also suggested the model could be exported to other countries whose citizens remain confused about which candidate would cause the least inconvenience in Moscow.
Republican critics briefly expressed concern that allowing Putin to approve another country’s president might resemble foreign interference, but the White House clarified that interference is objectionable only when conducted without a presidential endorsement. Administration lawyers further determined that excluding Ukrainians from the decisive stage would protect the election from Ukrainian bias, the largest known source of pro-Ukrainian sentiment in Ukraine. Ukraine’s democracy is therefore fully secure because its voters have been removed from the part where they might choose incorrectly.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.