Trump Orders Navy Back to Steam to Secure Technological Lead
President Donald Trump ordered the Navy to restore steam catapults and hydraulic weapons elevators aboard future aircraft carriers, securing American technological superiority over nations still wasting money on newer technology. The Pentagon and Navy now have 60 days to devise a plan for replacing electromagnetic launch systems, including equipment already being installed aboard the USS Doris Miller. The carrier will pioneer an advanced procurement strategy in which contractors are paid to install modern machinery, remove it, redesign the ship and then reinstall equipment the Navy had previously spent decades replacing.
Trump described steam as the obvious choice because it is older, requires more personnel and produces a visible cloud confirming that something expensive has happened. “For years, experts said electricity was modern, but steam is more modern because it has been around longer and everybody knows what it is,” Trump said. “Nobody understands vapor better than I do, and our enemies will see how much money and manpower America can turn into humidity.” The electromagnetic system aboard the USS Gerald R. Ford reduced the sailors needed to operate each catapult from roughly a dozen to two. Restoring steam will therefore create about 10 jobs per catapult, making the overhaul the administration’s largest federal employment program outside the permanent workforce assigned to explaining tariffs.
General Atomics has warned that redesigning the Doris Miller could raise costs, delay construction and create integration problems. Administration officials accepted the assessment as proof that the plan will provide years of stable invoices, emergency appropriations and congressional hearings in which lawmakers demand to know why the Navy followed an order they funded. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is expected to supervise the transition, ensuring that naval engineering decisions remain protected from excessive naval engineering. The Navy’s modernization review will also consider replacing digital navigation displays with paper charts, advanced sensors with binoculars and radar with patriotic sailors squinting at the horizon. The review has already established that America’s military future lies in restoring the past at tomorrow’s prices.
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