Trump Declares Strait of Hormuz United States Territory
President Donald Trump announced Friday that the Strait of Hormuz is now a United States territory, completing the customary American annexation process of pointing toward something strategically valuable and saying “ours” near a microphone. Speaking in New York, Trump said the United States controls passage through the waterway and will decide which vessels may use it, citing the long-standing maritime doctrine that confidence becomes sovereignty once repeated loudly enough. The declaration adds a narrow blue stripe to official administration maps and gives the nation a new border located roughly 7,000 miles from Florida.
“I looked at the map, and frankly it’s a beautiful strait, maybe the best strait, and nobody was owning it correctly until I noticed it,” Trump said. “Now it belongs to us, completely, and ships will pay because when you own water, everybody sailing through it is basically renting from you.” White House officials said congressional approval was unnecessary because Trump had used the phrase “pretty soon” before announcing the acquisition, activating a little-known constitutional provision previously reserved for children promising to clean their rooms. The State Department will formalize the claim by changing the waterway’s color on a laminated map and sending Iran and Oman copies by certified mail.
Under the proposed arrangement, commercial vessels would pay a 20% freedom convenience fee, ensuring Americans receive compensation whenever geography occurs overseas. The strait would be eligible for two senators, one member of Congress and several waterfront Trump developments before receiving residents, elections or voting rights. Administration lawyers said this follows the nation’s established territorial sequence, in which political representation arrives immediately for empty real estate and considerably later for actual citizens.
Iran and Oman are expected to reject the declaration, although officials noted that regional objections cannot outweigh the ancient legal principle of having a larger military, a louder press conference and more followers on Truth Social. International maritime law will remain in effect for countries still using the previous map, but American law will take precedence aboard television broadcasts and campaign merchandise. The Strait of Hormuz is therefore United States territory.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.