Trump Declares Higher Prices New Measure of Prosperity
President Donald Trump visited General Motors’ proving ground in Milford, Michigan, on Monday to celebrate sweeping tariffs and unveil his administration’s central economic principle: if everything costs more, everything is worth more. After watching Corvettes race and praising GM’s domestic production plans, Trump said tariffs of up to 50% on Canadian goods would protect Michigan families from the corrosive effects of affordable cars, auto parts, lumber and groceries. “A cheap car is a weak car, frankly, and when Americans pay thousands more, that means they are thousands of dollars richer in patriotism,” Trump said. “Nobody understood wealth this way before me because economists were too busy subtracting the bills.”
The White House will measure the resulting boom through a new Gross Domestic Price Tag, under which every increase at the register counts as economic growth. A pickup truck rising from $35,000 to $70,000 will therefore generate twice the prosperity, while a transmission repeatedly crossing the Canadian border will accrue additional value each time it is taxed. Officials said the formula eliminates several outdated indicators, including purchasing power, household savings and whether customers can complete a transaction without calling a relative. Inflation will remain in government reports but will be renamed “mandatory premium prosperity” to prevent Americans from mistaking higher expenses for higher expenses.
Trump also promoted Republican allies John James and Mike Rogers, assuring Michigan voters that the party would continue protecting them from foreign exploitation by requiring American consumers to pay all related fees personally. GM CEO Mary Barra stood nearby as Trump praised tariffs for helping domestic manufacturers, while economists performed their customary ceremonial function of explaining that import taxes are paid by importers and commonly passed along to buyers. Administration officials dismissed that account as accounting, noting that a family paying more for the same vehicle is clearly participating in a larger economy. Under the new standard, sticker shock is prosperity arriving before the paycheck, and America is now richer because its citizens can afford less.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.