Trump Declares High Fuel Prices Election Integrity Measure
President Donald Trump announced that oil above $100 a barrel and diesel exceeding $6 a gallon constitute an “election integrity surcharge” designed to protect Americans from the corrupting influence of affordable transportation. Trump said energy prices would begin falling immediately after the Nov. 3 midterm elections, confirming that petroleum markets observe the electoral calendar more faithfully than Congress observes subpoenas. Administration officials said expensive fuel prevents incumbents from improperly purchasing goodwill by allowing voters to commute, buy groceries and operate farm equipment without first consulting a loan officer.
“Frankly, if gasoline became cheap before the election, that would be interference, tremendous interference, maybe the biggest anybody has ever seen,” Trump said. “We’re keeping it expensive so nobody can say Republicans bought votes with affordable commuting. It’s very honest, and after the election it becomes cheap immediately.” The White House credited its Iran policy with helping lift regular gasoline above $4 nationally while reducing the Strategic Petroleum Reserve below 300 million barrels, two developments officials described as evidence that the administration is courageously refusing to manipulate prices downward while manipulating them upward. Any family inconvenienced by the policy may preserve its household budget by postponing employment, school, medical appointments and refrigerated food until democracy is secure.
Vice President JD Vance defended the timetable, explaining that truckers, farmers and construction crews routinely schedule their fuel needs around Republican campaign strategy. Trump also promised gasoline below $2 after the midterms, a target economists said could be reached if refineries double production, global supply disruptions disappear and arithmetic accepts a recess appointment as commerce secretary. Until then, motorists will pay premium prices for the privilege of being assured that relief has already been scheduled for the first business day after their ballots can no longer influence it. The additional expense is therefore not inflation but a federally supervised test of whether voters can afford election integrity.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.