Trump And Xi Reach Landmark Agreement To Agree Later

President Donald Trump declared his three-day summit with Chinese President Xi Jinping an unprecedented diplomatic triumph Friday after both leaders resisted mounting pressure to accomplish anything measurable. The Washington meetings produced a two-month extension of the existing trade truce, plans for a future communications channel on artificial intelligence and a binding understanding that additional understandings could be discussed whenever understanding became less politically inconvenient. Trump and Xi also toured the National Archives, where they viewed America’s founding documents and confirmed that written commitments remain an intriguing historical custom.

“We agreed on absolutely nothing at a level nobody has ever seen before, and that gives us tremendous flexibility to announce almost anything later,” Trump said. “People are calling it the greatest non-deal in history, maybe the greatest deal, frankly, because nobody has to do anything.” Administration officials praised the summit’s strategic emptiness, explaining that a specific agreement would create reckless expectations that somebody might implement it. They said the absence of enforceable terms also ensured that both governments could claim complete victory without the administrative burden of proving it. Xi, whose government routinely describes prolonged negotiations as progress, endorsed continued dialogue long enough for every current dispute to qualify as a cherished diplomatic tradition.

The trade truce will now continue until Jan. 10, providing businesses with several luxurious additional weeks to guess what happens on Jan. 11. The proposed artificial intelligence hotline will allow officials to respond to a major technological incident by confirming that the other side’s telephone is ringing. Trump and Xi also agreed to meet again at future gatherings in China and Florida, demonstrating that diplomacy works best when converted into an endlessly renewable series of motorcades, catered lunches and group photographs. By declining to resolve disputes over tariffs, technology, industrial policy and economic competition, the leaders protected every disagreement from the destabilizing effects of progress. The summit therefore achieved its central objective: preserving every problem in pristine condition for the next historic breakthrough.

* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.