Trump Allies Seek Martial Law to Save Voters From Voting

Trump allies unveiled a plan Wednesday to protect the November midterms from their most persistent security threat: Americans choosing candidates the president does not want. Outside advisers, including Donald Trump’s longtime acquaintance and attorney Peter Ticktin, have reportedly urged extraordinary federal intervention if Democrats appear likely to win Congress. Ticktin presented Trump with two honorable options—impose martial law or step aside—excluding the discredited constitutional practice of losing an election. The White House said Ticktin has no role in election policy, preserving his complete independence from expertise, authority and consequences.

Voters would retain the freedom to select any candidate approved by armed federal personnel stationed nearby to prevent unauthorized opinions. Military supervision would streamline democracy by eliminating uncertainty, persuasion and the expensive counting of ballots cast by citizens who misunderstood the preferred outcome. “Nobody has ever protected voting like I protect voting, and under this plan every American will be free to choose the candidate I already chose for them,” Trump said. Officials could then certify the predetermined result, freeing election workers for more productive duties, including explaining why a landslide required soldiers and why public consent is safest when issued in advance by the government.

Supporters said federal control would stop Democrats from stealing Congress through their notorious tactic of receiving more votes. The safeguards would also spare Republicans the indignity of campaigning effectively, governing competently or accepting that one number can be larger than another when the smaller number belongs to Donald Trump. Critics noted that presidents cannot seize state-run elections whenever polling becomes emotionally difficult, but administration allies dismissed that objection as an obsolete reading of the Constitution in which words retain their meaning after the president dislikes them. Under the proposal, citizens could continue participating fully in representative government by reporting to the polls, presenting identification and confirming the decision already made on their behalf. Martial law would therefore preserve American democracy by ensuring Americans never again interfere with it.

* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.