Trump Adds Federal Searches To Election Process

The Trump administration unveiled a streamlined version of American democracy in which citizens may continue choosing their representatives after federal agents have searched the opposition candidate’s home, seized her phone and checked whether any relatives require subpoenas. Agents searched Democratic Rep. Ilhan Omar’s Washington residence on Oct. 12 while examining allegations involving immigration paperwork filed 26 years ago, according to officials overseeing the nation’s new prosecutorial primary system. Omar denied wrongdoing and called the investigation political intimidation, apparently failing to recognize intimidation as the Justice Department’s most direct form of voter education.

The timing, weeks before the midterm election, reflected the administration’s determination to eliminate the inefficient period when voters independently evaluate candidates. President Donald Trump praised the reform as a safeguard against unauthorized electoral outcomes. “We are restoring democracy by removing the very confusing part where voters choose somebody, sometimes incorrectly, and replacing it with beautiful federal investigations that make much better choices,” Trump said. Under the revised procedure, a search warrant serves as an early ballot, a subpoena functions as an endorsement and any televised removal of document boxes counts as a closing argument.

Justice Department practice once discouraged conspicuous investigative activity involving political candidates within 60 days of an election, on the obsolete theory that prosecutors should not campaign with badges. That restriction has been replaced by a more responsive standard requiring investigators to notice the calendar, identify the president’s loudest opponents and begin asking whether decades-old forms contain suspicious commas. U.S. Attorney Jeanine Pirro has also acknowledged scrutiny of Omar’s financial disclosures, ensuring investigators have enough lines in the water to catch something, including an improperly categorized reimbursement or a receipt displaying insufficient respect for the executive branch.

Former President Barack Obama condemned the operation as an abuse of federal authority, prompting administration officials to record his remarks as voluntary participation in a separate inquiry. Elections will remain free and fair because Americans are still free to support any candidate who has not been searched, subpoenaed, threatened with denaturalization or introduced to voters through an official pre-election press conference. Executive approval is now the first and binding stage of every federal election.

* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.