Trump Achieves Energy Independence Through Russian Diesel

President Donald Trump declared the United States fully energy independent Friday after arranging to rely on diesel supplied by Russian President Vladimir Putin. Following what Trump described as a highly successful discussion, Russia agreed to release more than 300,000 metric tons immediately, 500,000 tons in November and another 1 million tons whenever Moscow concludes that American independence requires additional Russian assistance. The administration also eased sanctions on Russian diesel, freeing the United States from the exhausting burden of refusing fuel from a geopolitical rival.

“Nobody has ever made America more energy independent than I have, because our diesel now comes from overseas on ships approved by Vladimir Putin,” Trump said. “That is independence at a level nobody thought possible.” The agreement completes Trump’s long-promised plan to unleash American energy by importing it, a strategy officials said combines the confidence of domestic production with the convenience of not producing it domestically. Putin secured a major customer and relief from American economic pressure, concessions the White House characterized as evidence that Russia had been decisively outmaneuvered into receiving what it wanted.

Diesel averaged $6.28 per gallon Thursday, while energy analysts said the Russian shipments would represent only a small fraction of U.S. consumption and were unlikely to reduce prices significantly. Administration officials cited that limited effect as proof the policy had succeeded without creating the dangerous public expectation of noticeable results. Any temporary decline in diesel futures will be recorded as a historic restoration of sovereignty, while any increase will demonstrate that further purchases from Russia are urgently needed. Americans were advised to treat each three-cent dip at the pump as confirmation that national self-reliance has finally been secured through dependence on the correct foreign supplier.

* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.