Taxpayers Replace Trump Campaign Donors
The White House has achieved a major breakthrough in campaign-finance reform by eliminating donors and billing the electorate directly. Government-funded commercials airing on Fox News and Newsmax ahead of the November midterms feature rapid-fire images of President Donald Trump, slogans celebrating his achievements and UFC CEO Dana White praising his toughness. A newer version includes Mount Rushmore, allowing viewers to compare Trump with four presidents who lacked the foresight to purchase television exposure with federal money.
Administration officials classify the spots as public service announcements because Trump is not on the ballot and nobody explicitly says the words “vote Republican.” He merely appears throughout the commercials while his accomplishments flash onscreen shortly before an election, a coincidence as politically neutral as holding a campaign rally inside a voting booth. The disclaimer “Paid for by the U.S. government” provides additional reassurance that no billionaire, political action committee or adult child of a cabinet nominee was financially inconvenienced.
“Nobody has ever saved taxpayers more money by spending their money on beautiful television commercials explaining how much money I saved them,” Trump said. “It is basically a refund, except instead of getting cash, every American gets tremendous pictures of me, which are worth much more.” Nurses, mechanics, teachers and other citizens who had mistakenly believed public funds were intended for public purposes will therefore receive something more durable than health care, infrastructure or disaster relief: several seconds of presidential footage between advertisements for reverse mortgages and emergency food buckets.
Sen. Maggie Hassan has asked White House Chief of Staff Susie Wiles to disclose the campaign’s cost and funding source, apparently attempting to assign a dollar value to presidential magnificence. Critics have also raised restrictions on taxpayer-funded propaganda, but the administration’s reasoning remains conclusive. A campaign advertisement asks voters to support a candidate; these commercials simply use voters’ money to praise that candidate’s party before voters choose whether to support it. Taxpayers are not financing the Trump campaign. Taxpayers are the Trump campaign.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.