Supreme Court Delegates Regulatory Duties to Fortune Teller Panel
In a turn of events, the Supreme Court has announced a decision to delegate its authority over future regulations to a panel of fortune tellers. This move is anticipated to inaugurate an era of governance guided by crystal balls and tarot cards, rather than legal precedent or public opinion.
Justice Clarence Thomas recently stated, “Why should we burden ourselves with the law when we can consult the cosmos? The stars have been reliable guides.” Legal experts express confusion yet acceptance over this unorthodox shift, suggesting the Court now values “intuitive governance” over established legal frameworks.
The New Era of Legislation
The decision emerges amidst increasing concerns about the Court’s relevance, with critics claiming it has become detached from the realities of American life. Former President Barack Obama commented, “The Supreme Court is evolving into a mystical entity. If they think consulting the universe will solve our regulatory issues, then perhaps we should all seek guidance in our daily horoscopes.” The implications of this development for future legislation remain unclear, but Americans are encouraged to prepare for a new age of governance, one tarot card at a time.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.