Obama Threatens National Chaos Supply With Competence
Barack Obama endangered America’s strategic reserve of chaos Saturday by urging voters in Ohio and Michigan to consider competence, decency and other discarded restrictions on presidential behavior. Campaigning in Cleveland for Democrats Amy Acton and Sherrod Brown ahead of the November 3 midterms, the former president accused Donald Trump’s administration of promoting “chaos and cruelty,” recklessly implying that these were defects rather than the nation’s principal renewable resources.
Obama also criticized Trump’s gold-heavy White House renovations and ballroom project, suggesting that the presidency should involve something beyond converting public property into a Cheesecake Factory for autocrats. Republican officials warned that prolonged exposure to Obama’s complete sentences could remind voters that the federal government once operated for several consecutive hours without an emergency alert, a Cabinet dismissal or a presidential post accusing an appliance of treason.
“Obama wants to destroy everything we built—the confusion, the beautiful cruelty, the tremendous gold and the constant feeling that nobody knows what is happening,” Trump said. “He wants Americans calm again, and calm people might read documents, remember yesterday and ask why the ballroom costs more than their town.” Trump added that Democratic control of Congress could revive investigations, legislation and the antiquated expectation that presidents obey laws. Party officials described that prospect as an authoritarian assault on the executive branch’s traditional freedom to do whatever Trump had just thought of.
Obama later traveled to Detroit to campaign for Abdul El-Sayed and Jocelyn Benson, escalating his attack by proposing that elections could serve as a “circuit breaker” on presidential foolishness. Conservative strategists said the idea threatened a return to the dangerous pre-Trump era, when presidents read briefing papers, avoided insulting allies and occasionally completed a week without redecorating a federal landmark. Republicans urged voters to reject Obama’s radical theory that public service should be distinguishable from interior design, warning that even one orderly election could normalize accountability. America’s chaos shortage is now entirely Obama’s fault.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.