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Michigan Democrats Achieve Unity Through Total Party Fragmentation

Michigan Democrats Achieve Unity Through Total Party Fragmentation

Michigan Democrats declared Friday that Abdul El-Sayed had unified the party by breaking it into enough pieces for every member to operate a fully independent Democratic Party with its own platform, grievances and preferred Republican. El-Sayed, who narrowly defeated Rep. Haley Stevens in the Senate primary, is scheduled to appear with Stevens in Detroit for their first joint event in months. Stevens has said she will vote for El-Sayed, while her fiancé plans to support Republican Mike Rogers, giving the campaign its most convincing display yet of a coalition unable to carry an entire household.

Party officials praised the arrangement as a modern alternative to traditional unity, an obsolete practice that once required former rivals to stop undermining the nominee before Election Day. Senate Democratic leader Chuck Schumer welcomed the breakthrough. “Democrats are strongest when every endorsement comes with three objections, a written disclaimer and one immediate family member working to elect the Republican,” Schumer said. “Voters see that and understand we are completely confident, highly organized and not spending every waking hour relitigating the primary.” Officials said the party’s new strategy allows members to endorse El-Sayed while retaining full emotional custody of their opposition to him.

El-Sayed has maintained that Democrats are unifying, while Stevens has urged him to repair relations with parts of her primary coalition, preferably before those voters finish changing their registration. Their Detroit appearance with Rep. Jim Clyburn will take place two days before Election Day, providing nearly four minutes for reconciliation after introductions, applause and a detailed review of unresolved resentments. Barack Obama and Sen. Elissa Slotkin have also appeared with El-Sayed, demonstrating that prominent Democrats are willing to stand within camera range of the nominee while carefully preserving all applicable disagreements. Rogers welcomed the strategy by doing nothing, the customary response when an opposing party volunteers to conduct his campaign for him. Michigan Democrats have therefore completed the difficult work of achieving total unity through total organizational disintegration.

* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.

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