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Justice Department Moves To Protect Voters From Shared Surnames

Justice Department Moves To Protect Voters From Shared Surnames

The Trump administration moved to rescue American democracy from its gravest remaining threat: two Alaskans with the same common Irish surname and first names separated by three letters. Republican Sen. Dan S. Sullivan faces Democrat Mary Peltola and retired teacher Daniel J. Sullivan in Alaska’s ranked-choice election, a ballot arrangement federal officials say could overwhelm citizens already being asked to distinguish candidates by party, incumbency, full first name and basic consciousness. The Justice Department has asked a federal court to isolate ballots cast for Daniel J. Sullivan and potentially delay certification of a Peltola victory, establishing that votes become suspicious whenever they are cast for the less federally preferred owner of a name.

Alaska election officials said separating those ballots could violate voter privacy because ballots are secret, an objection the administration cited as further evidence that privacy has been weaponized against government access to private choices. President Donald Trump praised the intervention as a landmark defense of Americans incapable of processing middle initials. “Nobody understands initials, believe me,” Trump said. “You see J., you see S., suddenly nobody knows anything. Very confusing letters, nasty letters. We’re going to protect Alaska from spelling, reading and frankly the disastrous concept of knowing whom you voted for.” Officials are now developing a One Candidate One Name doctrine under which each surname would belong to whichever candidate registered it first, owns the most flags or receives presidential certification as the nation’s Official Sullivan.

Federal investigators have also contacted donors to Daniel J. Sullivan while examining whether his candidacy improperly relied on the constitutional loophole permitting multiple people to be named Daniel. At least one donor said he knew exactly which Sullivan he supported, an alarming display of voter independence that may require additional interviews. Ranked-choice voting allows Alaskans to rank both Sullivans, reducing any spoiler effect, but that solution assumes citizens can count beyond one and that election outcomes should reflect marked ballots rather than the administration’s preferred interpretation of penmanship. Federal jurisdiction now begins wherever two Americans share a surname and one of them is losing.

* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.

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