Justice Department Interferes With California Election To Prevent Election Interference
The Justice Department moved Thursday to protect California’s election from interference by interfering with it first, asking a federal judge to isolate mail ballots from more than 20,000 registered voters federal investigators consider “likely” noncitizens. The designation occupies the legal territory between evidence and a spreadsheet cell colored yellow. California mails ballots to every registered voter, a practice the administration described as dangerously similar to allowing registered voters to vote.
President Donald Trump endorsed the government’s new “presumed fraudulent until useful” standard, under which citizens retain voting rights unless their names resemble data. “We are protecting every legal vote by assuming thousands of legal voters are illegal, and nobody has ever seen due process this accurate,” Trump said, explaining that constitutional rights work best when temporarily withheld for quality control. Officials said flagged voters could correct mistakes through a convenient verification process requiring identification, proof of residence, several government records and enough free weekday afternoons to establish hereditary wealth.
California Secretary of State Shirley Weber called the dispute an emergency created by the Justice Department, while Gov. Gavin Newsom accused the administration of voter suppression. Federal officials rejected that characterization, noting that suppressing ballots becomes ballot protection when performed by employees standing near an American flag. The same principle allows confiscating car keys to promote highway access and closing libraries to defend literacy from unauthorized readers.
The lawsuit gives California officials weeks to investigate thousands of voters whom the federal government has not proved ineligible, ensuring the state spends the final stretch before voting day disproving an accusation rather than administering an election. Any eligible citizen caught in the dragnet may still vote after demonstrating citizenship, correcting federal data and surviving a bureaucracy specifically designed to interpret persistence as suspicious behavior. California’s election is therefore secure because Washington will decide which Californians are sufficiently convenient to count.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.