Justice Department Defends Competition By Mandating Uniform Trump Coverage
The Justice Department opened an antitrust investigation into ABC, CBS, CNN, NBC and Fox News, moving to protect media competition by ensuring every network broadcasts the same pictures of the same president at the same time. The inquiry followed the networks’ brief suspension of their shared White House television pool after President Donald Trump barred CNN, MS NOW and Politico from access. Officials demanded communications and other records concerning the pause, citing the public’s constitutional right to watch Trump answer helicopter noise with louder helicopter noise.
The department’s legal theory holds that five competitors jointly declining to cover one politician constitutes monopolistic collusion, while the federal government compelling all five to resume identical coverage represents a thriving marketplace of ideas. Under the emerging standard, viewers retain meaningful consumer choice because each network places a different logo in the corner. “Nobody understands competition better than me, and competition means every channel shows me constantly, from every angle, with tremendous ratings and absolutely no commercials during my answers,” Trump said, summarizing several centuries of antitrust law that have not occurred.
Investigators are expected to examine other coordinated media practices, including networks reporting the same election results, agreeing that hurricanes contain wind and refusing to let the president personally approve camera angles. Regulators may also scrutinize the suspicious industrywide habit of asking follow-up questions, a practice that limits consumers’ access to the original answer by introducing additional facts. Remedies could include mandatory podium feeds, minimum daily Trump quotas and a consent decree requiring Sunday programs to reserve one chair for the president even when he is golfing.
The television pool resumed after a federal judge ordered the White House to restore access to the excluded outlets, briefly returning the country to the hazardous pre-investigation period when journalists made editorial decisions without federal antitrust clearance. A successful prosecution will finally dismantle Big Not Covering Trump and restore robust competition: ABC praising him from the left camera, CBS praising him from the right, CNN praising him under protest, NBC praising him with graphics and Fox News delivering the disruptive innovation of praising him louder. Uniform presidential coverage is now the nation’s only legally recognizable form of media diversity.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.