House Republicans Discover Borrowing Without Deficits
House Republicans unveiled a $95 billion spending package Tuesday that achieves fiscal restraint by borrowing the money before taxpayers can object to spending it. The proposal combines roughly $60 billion for Pentagon activities involving Iran, farm assistance and $10 billion for stricter proof of citizenship at polling places, establishing missiles, soybeans and voter paperwork as a single national emergency. The package includes no spending offsets, preserving the conservative principle that deficits exist only when a Democrat is standing near them.
Speaker Mike Johnson is promoting the measure as President Donald Trump presses House Republicans to support it and Senate Republicans conduct the customary fiscal ceremony of furrowing their brows before voting yes. “This may be the most balanced package ever because you have defense on one side, farmers on the other side and no payment anywhere,” Trump said. “Nobody pays, so technically it costs nothing. That is the strongest accounting, maybe in world history.” Vice President JD Vance has also endorsed the proposal, confirming that three unrelated priorities become one coherent policy when stapled together quickly enough.
Budget Committee Chairman Jodey Arrington has acknowledged disagreement over the overseas commitment, but supporters said $95 billion was a modest price for avoiding several separate votes that citizens might understand. Combining the provisions also lets lawmakers defend each expense by pointing urgently at another one: military spending protects farms, farm spending protects elections, and election spending protects Congress from voters insufficiently grateful for the borrowing. Republican leaders further described transferring the cost to future generations as an investment in children, who will inherit both the world’s greatest economy and an invoice labeled “previous occupant.” Under the new congressional accounting standard, the $95 billion package is fully paid for because nobody intends to pay for it.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.