Democrats Achieve Unity By Endorsing Republican
Democrats achieved historic party unity Sunday when Michigan Rep. Haley Stevens endorsed Republican Mike Rogers for the Senate, demonstrating that intraparty conflict can be eliminated by helping the opposing party win. Stevens, who narrowly lost the Democratic primary to Abdul El-Sayed and initially endorsed him, announced the breakthrough after attending a Detroit church service with Rogers two days before Election Day. The appearance marked the debut of the party’s new Unity Through Total Electoral Surrender program, under which Democrats resolve ideological disagreements by abandoning the nominee and agreeing that a Republican should hold the office instead. “I’m not turning my back on Democrats,” Stevens said, correctly indicating that she had turned her entire body toward their opponent.
The endorsement immediately brought Democrats together. Stevens’ top aide and several staffers resigned, Michigan party officials moved to expel her, and Senate Democratic Leader Chuck Schumer denounced the decision as a betrayal, the traditional Washington response to an especially effective unity exercise. Rogers welcomed the support, noting that endorsements carry additional authority when they come from politicians who recently argued that the endorsed candidate should never be elected. El-Sayed said he remained focused on Michigan families, leaving other Democrats free to focus on whether supporting his opponent represented courage, treachery or the long-awaited emergence of bipartisan self-sabotage.
President Donald Trump praised the initiative as a model for Democrats nationwide. “Nobody has ever seen unity like this, tremendous unity, where one Democrat endorses the Republican and then every other Democrat unites against her,” Trump said. “It’s beautiful, frankly, and I’ve always said losing together is much more unified than winning separately.” Party strategists are now examining whether the Michigan pilot program can be expanded to every competitive Senate race, allowing Democratic candidates to campaign, Democratic officials to undermine them and Democratic voters to enjoy the rare stability of knowing exactly which faction caused the defeat. Electoral surrender is now the Democratic Party’s most proven form of unity.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.