Trump Names Stephen Miller Chief of Staff to Moderate White House
President Donald Trump answered crushing Republican midterm losses by replacing White House chief of staff Susie Wiles with Stephen Miller, a universally recognized gesture of moderation comparable to lowering the temperature with a flamethrower. Wiles will move to Trump’s political operation, where she will study why voters rejected the administration’s approach just before the administration doubled the dosage. Miller will begin Monday and lead the White House’s outreach to a Democratic-controlled Congress, placing negotiations under the supervision of a man who regards compromise as an undocumented policy that should be removed before it can receive benefits.
“Stephen is incredibly calm, very gentle, maybe the gentlest person anywhere, and he wakes up every morning asking how he can unite Democrats and Republicans through kindness, listening and several completely voluntary bipartisan group hugs,” Trump said. The president added that Miller’s appointment would open a new era of cooperation, provided Democrats cooperate by approving the White House agenda, apologizing for their election victories and remaining silent during the listening portion of each meeting. Officials said Miller will soften the administration’s image by issuing the same furious directives in a soothing lavender typeface and replacing threats with firm invitations to surrender.
Miller’s first initiative will be a National Listening Tour, during which Americans may listen quietly while he explains why executive power should have no visible shoreline. House Democratic leader Hakeem Jeffries welcomed the new spirit of conciliation by preparing several hundred subpoenas and purchasing aspirin in congressional quantities. Vice President JD Vance praised Miller as an “amazing patriot,” confirming the administration’s commitment to national healing by promoting its most combative available employee immediately after voters requested something else. White House officials stressed that the change does not represent a turn toward confrontation. Wiles had occasionally applied the brakes; Miller will improve bipartisanship by removing the brake pedal, declaring the road left-wing and driving directly toward consensus at full speed.
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