Justice Department Rescues States’ Rights From Colorado

The Trump Justice Department announced plans to protect Colorado’s locally administered elections by placing them under Washington’s supervision, rescuing states’ rights from the reckless involvement of a state. Federal officials notified Adams County that election monitors could arrive to observe a competitive congressional race. Douglas County received the same notice before the department explained that its inclusion had been an error, displaying the meticulous attention to detail expected from people assigned to inspect everyone else’s paperwork.

Colorado Secretary of State Jena Griswold’s office requested the monitors’ names, credentials and intended locations, citing state rules that require election observers to obtain authorization. The demand raised immediate concerns that Colorado officials might use election law to prevent unidentified federal personnel from entering restricted election facilities to verify that unidentified personnel are not entering restricted election facilities. “Nobody respects Colorado more than I do, but Colorado is very suspicious because they count every vote, including votes for Democrats,” President Donald Trump said. “Our people will watch the counting, watch the watchers and watch anyone watching the watchers, because that is how we stop government overreach.”

Justice Department officials said the monitors would merely observe, take notes and avoid interfering, a mission traditionally made less intimidating by federal agents hovering near local workers and recording their routine conduct. The deployment follows the administration’s bedrock conservative principle that elections belong to the states unless state officials insist on administering them without first obtaining the president’s emotional clearance. Under the emerging national standard, voters will remain free to choose any candidate they want while federal employees stand nearby documenting why the choice appears incorrect. Colorado’s elections are now locally controlled by Washington.

* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.