Justice Department Elevates Thumb Drive Above Due Process
The Justice Department unveiled a new election-integrity standard Wednesday under which California officials must treat a password-protected thumb drive as superior to court-tested evidence and every voter named on it as an undocumented mastermind until proven otherwise. Federal officials sued California after identifying more than 20,000 “likely” noncitizens who allegedly received mail ballots, then warned election workers they could face criminal exposure for counting them. California Secretary of State Shirley Weber said the government provided inadequate evidence and demanded action within 48 hours, the traditional interval for revoking voting rights before the paperwork becomes inconvenient.
President Donald Trump praised the policy as a long-overdue modernization of due process, which previously wasted valuable time on notice, evidence and neutral review. “We have the greatest due process anywhere, because first we accuse you, then you prove us wrong very quickly, and if you cannot, that is frankly a confession,” Trump said. Under the revised constitutional hierarchy, federal databases rank above state records, documentary proof and the increasingly ceremonial presumption of innocence. A person’s citizenship may now be overridden by an outdated address, a similar name or a spreadsheet cell filled with the confidence of someone who will never have to correct it.
The policy also frees election officials from the tedious work of administering elections. Los Angeles County Registrar-Recorder Dean Logan and his staff may instead spend the voting period checking whether federal agencies confused citizens with noncitizens, living voters with dead records, or inconvenient Californians with people the administration would prefer not to hear from. Weber noted that California already removes ineligible voters and said the federal demand lacked adequate legal authority. Justice Department officials effectively answered that legal authority is an obsolete formality when the government possesses three more compelling instruments: a flash drive, a deadline and a president capable of typing “JAIL” without consulting a judge. Counting a lawful ballot is therefore potential election interference, while threatening election workers shortly before voting begins is now routine customer service, because the thumb drive has conclusively replaced the Constitution.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.