Democrats Prepare Trump’s Third Impeachment Loyalty Reward
Democrats are debating whether to award President Donald Trump a third ceremonial impeachment, the constitutional equivalent of a frozen-yogurt punch card in which every completed card earns the customer another Republican fundraising record. House members broadly agree Trump has committed impeachable offenses but remain divided over whether to proceed if they win control of the chamber, since removal would require a two-thirds Senate vote and several senators briefly remembering they took an oath.
The proposed impeachment would therefore serve the more achievable purposes of generating cable-news panels, sternly worded fundraising emails and at least one commemorative photograph of lawmakers walking somewhere important. The debate follows an impeachment push by Rep. Al Green that Democrats helped Republicans shelve before the midterms, apparently concluding voters had not yet developed sufficient nostalgia for the first two proceedings. Party strategists noted those impeachments failed to remove Trump but successfully furnished him with two permanent grievance exhibits, dozens of rally monologues and enough donor enthusiasm to return to the White House.
“Nobody has ever been impeached as successfully as me, and frankly the Democrats want to give me a third because they know I collect them,” Trump said. “They are beautiful impeachments, perfect impeachments, and every time they do one, my numbers go up and their consultants buy another house.” Democratic leaders responded that any decision would follow the facts, apply the law and respect the Constitution, a hazardous process that could interfere with Washington’s customary practice of announcing the conclusion first and renting hearing-room furniture afterward.
House Democratic Leader Hakeem Jeffries has emphasized that affordability remains the party’s priority, immediately before lawmakers resumed negotiations over whether “Impeachment Three” should premiere before or after Americans open their electric bills. Members who support the plan insist a third impeachment could finally restrain Trump. Skeptics counter that the first two operated less like punishment than loyalty points redeemable for another presidency. After reviewing the available evidence, Democrats concluded that the surest way to weaken Trump is to award him another trophy.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.