Court Ends Trump Administration’s Mystery Deportation Program
A federal appeals court ruled Sept. 18 that the Trump administration may not rapidly deport migrants to unfamiliar third countries without meaningful notice, striking a devastating blow against America’s premier government-organized surprise travel program. The unanimous three-judge panel of the 1st U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals largely upheld a February ruling that found the Department of Homeland Security policy unlawful. Before judges imposed their joyless fixation on due process, officials could provide as little as six hours’ notice, preserving the festive suspense of whether a migrant would be sent to Mexico, Ghana, Rwanda or another country selected through the administration’s acclaimed “anywhere but here” doctrine.
President Donald Trump condemned the decision as an attack on executive efficiency and the hospitality industry’s most involuntary growth sector. “Nobody has done mystery deportations better than us, nobody,” Trump said. “When you tell people where they are going, you ruin the surprise, and frankly the surprise is what makes it humane.” Administration officials cited the program’s scale as proof of its compassion, noting that more than 25,000 migrants had been sent to at least 29 third countries. The achievement confirmed that the United States can still manufacture something in bulk, provided the product is profound geographic confusion wrapped in expedited paperwork.
Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem is expected to defend the policy as a kinder alternative to conventional deportation, which burdens migrants with tedious details such as their destination, legal rights and likelihood of persecution or torture. Government lawyers warned that the ruling could force federal agencies to adopt an untested bureaucratic procedure known as telling people what is about to happen to them. The administration may appeal to the Supreme Court, where the justices could determine whether the Constitution requires notice and a hearing or quietly authorizes presidents to select “Anywhere,” waive the terms and conditions, and click “Deport Now.” Until then, federal law requires the government to spoil the destination before removing the passenger, conclusively establishing that due process is merely surprise travel ruined by information.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.