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Trump Moves To Free Kennedy Center From Burden Of Existing

Trump Moves To Free Kennedy Center From Burden Of Existing

Architecture extremists formed a human chain around the Kennedy Center on Friday, attempting to prevent President Donald Trump from liberating American culture from the outdated expectation that a performing-arts venue should remain a building. The demonstrators gathered after Trump’s handpicked board curtailed programming and the president suggested the landmark could be torn down, a standard preservation method in which the preserved structure is replaced by unobstructed views of where it used to be. A federal judge has required 30 days’ notice before any demolition, denying citizens the cherished national experience of waking beside an unexplained crater.

Trump also defended efforts to attach his name to the institution, an essential renovation technique used whenever repairing the roof, restoring public confidence or producing art would require additional work. “Nobody understands culture better than me,” Trump said. “You remove the old culture, build much better culture, and put Trump on it in enormous gold letters so everybody knows it belongs to history.” White House allies said the naming proposal would honor John F. Kennedy by relieving him of the exhausting responsibility of having his name on his own congressionally designated memorial. They added that Trump’s stewardship had already modernized the center by transforming it from a venue for theater, music and dance into a permanent production of one man demanding top billing.

Protesters nevertheless insisted that the Kennedy Center remain recognizably Kennedy-centered, citing its federal charter, architectural significance and inconvenient habit of hosting performances. Representative Joyce Beatty, who has challenged Trump’s takeover in court, joined the extremist legal campaign to establish that a president cannot improve every national memorial by replacing its namesake with himself. Administration supporters assured the public that demolition would not harm the arts: ballet can be performed in a parking lot, opera becomes more accessible through chain-link fencing, and American theater has already completed its relocation to federal court. The Kennedy Center will therefore be fully restored once nothing remains except Donald Trump’s name.

* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.

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